Just to Clear the Air...

Just because you clam up at a party where you don't know anyone doesn't mean you're socially awkward.

Saying that you like cake doesn't make you a glutton.

Being an introvert doesn't mean you have no friends. And if it does, it doesn't mean you don't like it that way.

Being an extrovert doesn't mean you don't still need a little TLC every once in a while.

Not knowing what you want to do with your life doesn't mean you have no ambition.

Not liking to do the things that happen to be popular at the time doesn't make you lame.

Not liking to read doesn't make you dumb.

Being a really obedient follower doesn't mean you can't also be a really great leader.

Just because you have a particularly obvious talent doesn't mean that's your only talent.

Just because you're not the best in the world at anything doesn't mean you're not good at anything.

Having to go shopping for new clothes because yours are getting a little tight doesn't mean you're fat.

Being a generally happy person doesn't mean you can't have hard days.

Having faith and trust in the Lord doesn't mean you can't ever be afraid. 

LOVIES,
Kelli

Jesus and Jammies

Disclaimer: This post isn't really a very good example of, "This is how you should pray!" or "This is how you should show your faith!" This is mostly just a, "This is how I tried to do those things when I wasn't at my best even though I know better" because nobody's perfect and we all have our spiritual lulls.

I woke up this morning and was about to get in the shower, when the shower curtain rod fell down. When that's happened to me before, it's been pretty easy to get it back up, but today I was having the hardest time and was getting super frustrated: "Oh my goodness, I don't have time for this", so I knelt down in the tub, in my jammies, and prayed. 

What I expected to be a quick, "Can You please just do this so I'm not late for work?" somehow turned into, "I've been struggling a little bit in my spiritual life lately and this is my chance to show my faith so it'll grow. I KNOW that You can do this and I feel like You will. Could you please?" and I swear I heard, "Finallllly." I'm not really sure why a curtain rod was the moment, but it was.

So I got up from my knees, reached my arm up, and it worked perfectly. It just latched right into place like it did it by itself. I was in awe. Not shock, because I'd hoped it would. But in complete awe of His power and love and concern and care for me. Over something so small! But huge to me. Because I feel like it's been so long since I've seen such an obvious manifestation from Him and I was craving it. It's been my fault. I haven't allowed myself to 'see' Him because I've been distracted by other things, but rather than saying, 'that's too bad', He said, "I can see that you want this, even though you're struggling to want it badly enough. But you do want it and you're trying so here you go" and He showed Himself to me. And it opened my eyes to what I should be doing. Not what I should be doing, what I WANT to be doing. And what I'm missing. Because my life is the happiest when He's the center of it and He hasn't been, but I want Him to be. So I resolved to read my scriptures first today, to enjoy more quiet time, to Jacob 2:17, to listen to primary songs and hymns and learn them by heart, to actually hear people today. It's been working!

The Lord is SO aware. Sometimes we don't find out in obvious ways, but all we have to do is open our hearts and we'll see it. Sometimes He has to pry them open a little because we're failing big time, but when we finally get there, we'll feel it because that's how the Spirit works and He loves us. 

Anyway, Heavenly Father is the BEST. I'm so grateful for His patience and love and care. I'm grateful for dumb curtain rods, and soap-sudsie jammy knees, and quiet, profound mornings. 

LOVIES, 
Kelli 

Dear [Angel]...

We worked in the same office park. I've only ever seen you one time and I'll probably never see you again. In fact, the only thing I remember about you is that you have blonde hair. I don't even know your real name.
Two years ago, I was walking into the main building of Corporate Woods. It was super humid, typical of an Oklahoma summer evening, and I was feeling hideous because I wasn't wearing makeup, my outfit looked like Clinton and Stacy might be hiding in a nearby bush, and my head looked like a chrysanthemum. Plus I was cranky because I had to leave the house right in the middle of The Swan Princess. What a ripoff. Basically, I was gruuuuuumpy. I'd walked into the restroom to make a sorry attempt at fixing my frizz-head and it was going something like this:

I was actually on my way out when you came in. You started to walk past me at first, but then you stopped and said something I'll never forget, "You're so beautiful. I saw you the other day, but I never got the chance to tell you. I just think you're so lovely."

You angel. I wish you knew what that meant to me! Even if I had the opportunity to tell you, you still wouldn't know because to you, they were probably just words. To me, they were an answered prayer. I walked into work after that with a smile where a frown had been not 10 minutes before. To this day, when I'm having a particularly bad hair day or I wish I got braces or I think I need a tan, I think of that muggy summer day and I remember that someone out there thinks I'm lovely just the way I am. You've had a far greater impact than you could have ever imagined.
So, thanks for teaching me that it's ok to compliment strangers. Thanks for teaching me that it's not creepy, it's kind. And thanks for teaching me that every single time I have the chance to do for someone else what you did for me, for heaven's sakes, I'd better.

Love, Kelli

Dear Ashleigh...

A few weeks ago, one of my friends from BYU passed away. Ashleigh and I weren't best friends. In fact, I could probably count our interactions on two hands. But that doesn't at all change the incredible influence she has had on my life. It seems like a lot of times, when we miss someone, we tend to remember only their positive qualities. That's true with Ashleigh too, except in her case, it's only because I never saw a single negative quality in her to remember. Ashleigh is one of the kindest, friendliest, loveliest, most sincere women I have ever met. And not only is that the farthest thing from an exaggeration, but also, I feel like there should be other words invented just to describe her. Those ones don't quite do it. When I first moved into the ward Junior year, Ashleigh was one of the first people to introduce herself. I remember thinking, "This ward won't be so bad. I already have a new friend. :)" She included everyone, just by her smile and loving, happy attitude! I have never met anyone so good at teaching by example.

After Ashleigh passed away, I found myself thinking a lot about how the Lord puts people like her in our lives to teach us things. This life can be haaaaard and most of the time, the Lord's tender mercies come in the form of another person. Then I realized that I let a lot of people pass through my life DAILY without even acknowledging the beauty that they bring to it. That's stupid. Why wouldn't I take the time to be blessed by my blessings...? Um helloooooo.

So, I started paying more attention and let me just say, human beings are probably my new favorite thing. There are so many awesome people EVERYWHERE and I want to tell you about some of them in the next few blog posts :) Some of the posts will be about interactions that literally lasted 20 seconds in passing. Some of the people will have made up names because I never learned their actual ones. But I think the beauty is in the simplicity of it. 

So count this as my first of the "Dear Ashleigh" series. I figured the one who inspired the idea should be the first :)

Dear Ashleigh,

I feel like you must be the person that my young woman's leaders were teaching me to be all of those years. Your humility, love, and kindness shine right through your lovely smile and I'm so thankful for the chance I've had to know you. Thanks for introducing yourself that first day. Thanks for being my friend. :) I love you! 

Love, Kelli

Honeyyyyy, I'm hoooooooome!!

Once upon a time, I decided to take a month-long facebook fast. (Ish. I kind of cheated a couple times, but not dishonestly since I just told you about it.) 
Anyway, take a look at all of the cool stuff I got done in the time I'm usually wandering aimlessly through cyberspace! 

• Got back in my pre-holiday shape
• Remembered how much I love playing the piano and started taking it more seriously again. 
• Wrote some letters on real paper and sent them in the real mail. With stickers and Harry Potter stamps <3
• Got into the Book of Mormon again and OH MY HEAVENS RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU LOVE THAT BOOK AS MUCH AS I DO. (I even got to share it with two of my friends!!)
• Looked more people in the eyes and noticed lots of lovely ones. Brown, green, and blue are not the only colors out there, people.
• Had lots of those phone/Skype conversations where you hang up and say, "I would definitely bear my testimony about that person if I was at Girls' Camp right now."
• Got a head start on this year's Christmas presents (Aaaaah I can't wait!!)
• Started writing in my journal again.
• Read a fiction book besides Harry Potter. And liked it.
• Cleaned out my room and found a pine cone and half a box of my favorite kind of pop-tarts.
• Colored this picture of a cute little puppy talking to a snail while I watched the Olympics.

You probably don't need a facebook fast to get things done, but I'm just saying...being a productive human being is probably my new favorite pastime. 

My Lucky 13

If you had told me what my 2013 would be like, say, 12-ish months ago, I would've told you that the number 13 was living up to its reputation nicely and that it should probably go to time-out now. This year was hard, people. Like, haaaaaard. But when things are haaaaaaard, usually that means you learn a lot and you grow a lot and you become more mature (and probably better looking) and stuff. This year, the Lord used some challenging situations to teach me a LOT. About myself, about Him, and a little bit about what this life is supposed to be. I'm not sure if I absorbed all of the lessons I was supposed to learn or not, but I'd like to think that I hung on to some good ones. :)

• You control you.

• We all have brains that are really good at holding cool and interesting things. Worry isn't cool or interesting so get out, mister.

• Trust the Lord cuz sorry, He's smarter than you.

• Sometimes forgiveness means setting yourself free. Getting an apology would just be a bonus.

• Trying new things is fun!

• Just because someone has a grumpy face doesn't mean he's a meanie.
• In fact, he could end up being one of the funniest, kindest people you know! Some people just look grumpy because the corners of their mouth naturally turn down. Or maybe he just didn't hear you when you said hello.

• Listening to other people makes for strong friendships. Plus, you get to hear all kinds of cool secrets.

• Love love lovelovelove. See? That word's not so scary.

• Life is too short to not drink milk in a wine glass.
• Technically, I knew that one already, but a little reminder never hurts.

• Money can't buy happiness.
• But some smart retail therapy can definitely put you on the right path.

• Make wherever you are the happiest place in the world.

• Be your own best friend. Don't be afraid to be alone and don't be afraid to like it.

• The atonement of Jesus Christ > Everything else

I hope you all know that I didn't make this list to talk about all of the things I mastered this year. In fact, reading over it made me a little sad at first because usually learning a lesson means you didn't do so well at it the first time. ...That's a lot of things I didn't do very well at up there^, people. But, I guess that must be where that last bullet point comes in. Thanks to our Savior Jesus Christ, it's ok that we don't do so well at it the first time. Because of His sacrifice for us, we get to try again any old time we're ready. He'd probably even shake a pair of pom poms around if you asked Him to. So bring on 2014. I've got my 'to do' list all ready to go. :)
If you wouldn't mind, just ask me really quick what I think about the past year, say, now-ish. I'll probably say something like, "Unlucky? 13 was a gold mine, you crazy."

BYUB All

There's an email address at BYU Broadcasting, forbidden to "all who do not wish to die a most painful death". It's called 'BYUB All'. If one were to ever send an email using this address, the information included must be both critical and relevant to every single employee or else everyone hates you. (Sometimes they do anyway. Especially when it has to do with throwing all of their food away if they leave it in the fridge.)

Usually, I don't like sending these emails, even when my supervisor asks me to. But today, on my last day of work ever, I wanted to real bad. If I had, it probably would've said something like this:

"All,

Some of you call me Kelli. Some of you never learned my name and still call me Kim. Some of you know me as 'that girl with curly red hair who might be Abby's twin'. Or maybe you don't know me at all. It doesn't really matter to me that much. The point is that I always thought the concept of a 'second family' was stupid. Until my second family became all 508 of you.

There are, figuratively, pages and pages of rough drafts crumpled around me full of things I wanted this to say, all making vows of everlasting love that probably would've creeped you out, but not one of them sounded like my heart feels. So. Until someone comes up with a language for that, can I just say, thanks for being my BYUB All. <3

Love,
Your receptionist"