I figured now is as good a time as any to establish a little credibility.
Second only to singing along to the radio, when I'm by myself in the car, my favorite thing to do is smack my gum as loudly as possible. I despise listening to other people do it, but there's something satisfyingly supernatural about going against social norms and having friends simultaneously. Plus I'm getting really good at it. Seriously, once I figure out what exactly the word 'decibel' means, I'll tell you the record to beat .
Sometimes when I put on my concealer, I pretend like I'm Rafiki when he paints Simba on that tree.
(If you try this, make sure you don't forget to rub it in. Failing to do so will result in adverse effects.)
Finally, you'd know that the phrase 'trump card' doesn't actually have anything to do with Donald Trump. Unfortunately, you wouldn't have known that if you were me, say, yesterday.