Disclaimer: This post isn't really a very good example of, "This is how you should pray!" or "This is how you should show your faith!" This is mostly just a, "This is how I tried to do those things when I wasn't at my best even though I know better" because nobody's perfect and we all have our spiritual lulls.
I woke up this morning and was about to get in the shower, when the shower curtain rod fell down. When that's happened to me before, it's been pretty easy to get it back up, but today I was having the hardest time and was getting super frustrated: "Oh my goodness, I don't have time for this", so I knelt down in the tub, in my jammies, and prayed.
What I expected to be a quick, "Can You please just do this so I'm not late for work?" somehow turned into, "I've been struggling a little bit in my spiritual life lately and this is my chance to show my faith so it'll grow. I KNOW that You can do this and I feel like You will. Could you please?" and I swear I heard, "Finallllly." I'm not really sure why a curtain rod was the moment, but it was.
So I got up from my knees, reached my arm up, and it worked perfectly. It just latched right into place like it did it by itself. I was in awe. Not shock, because I'd hoped it would. But in complete awe of His power and love and concern and care for me. Over something so small! But huge to me. Because I feel like it's been so long since I've seen such an obvious manifestation from Him and I was craving it. It's been my fault. I haven't allowed myself to 'see' Him because I've been distracted by other things, but rather than saying, 'that's too bad', He said, "I can see that you want this, even though you're struggling to want it badly enough. But you do want it and you're trying so here you go" and He showed Himself to me. And it opened my eyes to what I should be doing. Not what I should be doing, what I WANT to be doing. And what I'm missing. Because my life is the happiest when He's the center of it and He hasn't been, but I want Him to be. So I resolved to read my scriptures first today, to enjoy more quiet time, to Jacob 2:17, to listen to primary songs and hymns and learn them by heart, to actually hear people today. It's been working!
The Lord is SO aware. Sometimes we don't find out in obvious ways, but all we have to do is open our hearts and we'll see it. Sometimes He has to pry them open a little because we're failing big time, but when we finally get there, we'll feel it because that's how the Spirit works and He loves us.
Anyway, Heavenly Father is the BEST. I'm so grateful for His patience and love and care. I'm grateful for dumb curtain rods, and soap-sudsie jammy knees, and quiet, profound mornings.
LOVIES,
Kelli
